Child guidance is an umbrella term for all the ways we, as adults, guide children's behavior. Children are not born knowing how to behave, and it is an adult's job to set expectations, hold boundaries, and model appropriate behavior in different situations. Positive child guidance is a method of guidance that focuses on maintaining a positive relationship between the adult and the child, because children look to trusted adults for unconditional love and acceptance, even when they exhibit mistaken or challenging behaviors.
Whether or not you say "no" to your child is a personal preference; however, using positive guidance does not mean that you cannot set hard boundaries with your child. When practicing positive guidance, saying "no" or "stop," is accompanied by an age-appropriate explanation, which helps children understand the consequences of their actions and build connections in the brain should they find themselves in a similar situation in the future.
Example: 3yo child is hitting another child who took their toy. Caregiver steps in and holds child's hands. "You are hitting, and hitting hurts. I can see that you want that toy, but hitting is not okay. You can say, 'that's mine!' or 'give it back!' Let's practice together."
Again, how you discipline your child is completely up to you. But let's look into the definition of "discipline:" according to Miriam-Webster, one definition is "orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior." Children are not born knowing how to conduct themselves. Positive discipline shifts the focus from punishing misbehavior to viewing misbehavior as opportunities to teach children more appropriate ways of getting their needs met. When well-meaning adults shut down a child's communication (such as crying, whining, misbehaving), the behavior may stop, restoring order (i.e. discipline). Positive guidance occurs when adults tune into the child's communication and see misbehaviors as unmet needs, then redirect the child to more appropriate methods of getting their needs met.
Example: child is screaming after not getting what she wants for dinner. One method of discipline: "stop screaming or you'll go to bed without dinner." Positive discipline: "I hear that you are upset. However, your screaming is too loud for inside. If you want to scream, let's go outside. When you are calm, we can come back inside and talk about it." In this second example, the adult is teaching the child orderly conduct by explaining that yelling is not appropriate inside, but it's okay outside.
There is overwhelming evidence from the past two decades showing that use of pro-social curricula and positive child guidance strategies in the classroom and at home have positive short-term and long-term effects. Here is a link from Dr. Jane Nelsen's Positive Discipline, citing multiple studies about the outcomes of using positive child guidance strategies at home and in school settings: https://www.positivediscipline.com/about-positive-discipline.
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